how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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