Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
