note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
