Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
