I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
