my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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