Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
