I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
