suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
