an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
