i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
