I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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