I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
