my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
