I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
