I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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