my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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