watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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