everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
