I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
