worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
