If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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