Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
