Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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