haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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