3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
