I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
