Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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