At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
