I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
