he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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