is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize