Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
