don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My ass is underappreciated
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
