respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
