I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
