At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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