WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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