I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
