Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
