I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
