Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
