The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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