so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
