It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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