There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
