Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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