DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
