his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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