She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
