i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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