does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
